Still Living, Keep Moving

Well, it's been about a month since I last posted, but hey, at least this blog's not dead. So I'm going to try to talk about what's been happening recently.

I finished my AAP...yay. I'm not very proud of that story though. It needs a lot of help, and I don't think simple editing is going to save it. It's a good idea for a story that I was going to write, but when I write it, it'll be so much better. And then I also went to Michigan and came back. I didn't realize how happy I was to see my older sister. She helped me realize some things about myself that I haven't even though of before. It was a good vacation away from home (though at the same time, it felt like I was at home). I finally stopped letting things bother me so much that were bothering me while I was still here at home. I don't feel so much pressure any more (although my decision-making is still not resolved...bad me haha).

School started two weeks ago. Within the first week, I had to drop a class I really liked just because I was getting super stressed out, and PreCalculus was taking up all my time. I'm surviving though. I had two quizzes yesterday. I pretty much failed my math one (word problems are my nemesis), but I aced my music theory one. So I'm having mixed feelings about how I'm doing so far. I'm a grade-A student, never late, never getting lower than an A. For me to see about 60% or less on top of my quiz is just horrifing. But I'm going to work harder. If all these quizzes are going to have a lot of word problems, then I need to work on more word problems. I haven't had a complete meltdown since I didn't do so well on my math quiz. I cried a little bit while I was walking to music theory, but I stopped quickly. Haven't felt bad since. All I can say is, I tried my hardest. I studied. I practiced. Now I know what I need to work on. Yay. :)

Just so you know, this post is probably going to be all over the place. I'm saying what's gone through my head over a month, so it' s a bit jumpy hehe. Have you ever had the feeling that you're not supposed to be where you are (like in the place, state, city, country)? I don't know, but I keep having this thought that I'm supposed to go somewhere. Something in my head keeps telling me, "This isn't where you're supposed to be. You need to go out of your state." I don't know where it is I'm supposed to go. I don't know what I'm expected to find or to do. Problem is, I want to finish school here. I want to at least finish high school before I go wherever it is that I keep feeling I should go. All my life, I've wanted to go out of the country, to Europe, to parts of Asia, but I've never really gotten the chance. I feel like I don't belong here, not so much that I feel awkward around the people around me, but instead, it's simply a feeling. I don't know if that sounds crazy. But I'm not sure why I'm hearing this in my head so much...

Warning: another jump! I think one thing that's been on my mind recently is my music. I think that this year has been a great help for me in terms of music. A lot of people in the flute section who were in the advanced band last year (and who were really good) have all moved on. I'm the only flute player left from last year, and I'm not that great. There are three new flute players who are pretty good, but the difference is noticeable. Some of them are pretty shy about playing when there isn't anyone else playing. I've noticed this, and I know that I'm pretty much the same way. But I maybe I'm growing out of that now. My teacher has started giving me 1st flute parts, which is a stretch for me (since I've been playing 2nd flute). I have to play out to get the other 1st flute to play out. It's nerve wrecking 'cause I'm the type of person who doesn't like to have all the attention on me. Maybe, since I want to have my own band like Tenth Avenue North and Matthew West, bands like those, that God's prepping me for that. I don't know. Everything's so interesting right now, guess I'll have to see where I end up.

Anyway, that's basically all I've been thinking about. There's not much room to think when you're buried in a pile of math problems haha. I'm still living, I'm still breathing. I must still have some purpose to keep going and looking for what I'm being called to do. If it's to leave this state, then I shall leave it. If it's to change my dream career, then I shall change it. It's up to God. He's the one keeping me alive for a purpose. So I've got to keep moving. Thanks for reading this, peeps! :)